idiotic fallacies

"My heart is a brothel, it has many rooms." - said by a philandering character in Gabriel Garcia Marquez's books... when one simply likes too much things, this is the

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

A reminder for resolutions

Being the indulgent egotistical person that I am, naturally I reread what I have wrote in my previous entry.

Boy was it serious sounding ay.

WEll, I was in a very serious mood baby.

New Year is coming people, time to make your resolutions and remember for those involved, our exchange of resolutions are still in play.

And for Pete's sake please don't make up something like "For next year I resolute to buy a pink dress to wear on my manly body so I can feel how does pretty feels like." (that's for you Darren)

..Oh and also please include an entry of the most significant event that has happened to you in the year 2004.

And let me remind again, gushing," Oh once again knowing Samantha has and always will be the highlight of my life.".. is not acceptable.

Of course if nothing really sensational has happened to you all year and you really want to make people go ooh and ahh over your gripping life, you can always make something up like that time when you got really lusty and rape a guy in the guy's toilet (a suggestion Aliah), or how you posed naked for a budding artist whom you met in Europe and have a romantic fling with (Helaine, take note).

As for me a storyboard has already formulated in my mind as I write this, I will save the story till that day but for those that wants some sneak preview, it involves a lot of hunky good looking guys wild in love with yours truly and me being indifferent. (yet discreetly having secret liasions with all of them). It will be a story full of love, lust, a whole lot of hunks and just ONE lucky girl at the centre of it all.

And Xia Yan, as much as you want to gush about your real life love story with Bryan, don't. Not only it will make my delusional story seem weak, and the rest of us feeling utterly lonesome and miserable. It will also eventually fill us up with rage and frustration to have to make up stories and thus will end up with me chopping you up, marinate you lovingly with brandy, flour, pepper, salt, a dash of tumeric and cook your tender carcass for supper.

(Note to Xia Yan: Say something tragic instead. Lie and exaggerate as much as you can.)

That will be all my lovelies.

A New lease of life and love

I've met a person last night who ended a 7 year relationship.

She's french and 31 this year so that makes her 25 when she first started the relationship. Imagine her distraught when it was over...but this is not the point of it all. Her mentality for relationships is what that impressed upon me the most.

Cherish the moment and let go when its time to.

Indulge yourself in everything or anyone who have come your way and live in that, even if it is just one month, one day, one night. Its only with unrestricted abandonment that one can truly live and feel. Feel all that was given. When its over, move on and appreciate the things that happened and that you've experienced with the other person.

Even though the person may not be giving all that you want, that does not mean they have not given all they could have given. That is just basically all they could have give you and appreciate that.

I protested, "But to indulge without attachment and to free yourself easily from it is something that come with experience and trials is it not? Not everyone can do that."

My query was met with dead air and Fadly,my boss said simply, "Sam, we've all reached that stage already."

..meaning all the people present at that table, well, except me which was not surprising seeing that the youngest person sitting there with us other than yours truly is already 28.

I do agree with the theory actually. By letting go of possessiveness and jealously just means avoiding bringing unneccessary troubles to oneself. The stronger you try to grasp on to something the more expectations and frustration one would feel. If its meant to work out, it will without one having to hold on so badly. One should concentrate on the happiness that one experience then dwell in doubts and sadness and ruining a lovely memory with cautiousness.

I still am not able to do that, but I would like to eventually.


Work. :)

Yesterday was the first day, and I was placed being the hostess. Well, to sum it all up, all I did was to take care of the reservations, lead the guests to their tables and talk to them, but will be a server once I got my uniform coz they hired a full time hostess thus my hostess services are not needed anymore. It was alright.

That was not the highlight though. Highlight of it all is to be able to talk to the different people from different countries.. plus also discovering my desire of wanting more as I speak to them. Throughout the months, a change has come over me, I need to move up, to be serious, to work hard and to succeed. Looking at the people coming to wine and dine, a sense of disagreement grips me.

I want the job, the life, independence, the pride with myself. I need to succeed.

Discontentment with what I have is the source to all this feelings I have.

I need to work hard.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

New job,hatred men and christmas

I was so stressed and frustrated ever since the "carefree" days started as not being able to find a decent job that I like (9-5pm plus interesting) thus I was not surprised that I finally cracked (the boredom boredom boredom!)and went back to my first love: the F&B industry.

I'm starting work at Indochine (Boat Quay) Monday!

Am fairly excited actually.. actually I always feel pretty excited whenever embarking on something new.Fabian is working there too, actually he is the one who introduced me to the job so its gonna be great!


You know what's more infuriating than single yet not available men?

Taken yet pretends to be available men.

Senario: Good friend I had mild crush on always (because he is hot hot hot) was FINALLY flirting with me on msn last night and I was delighted but refrain myself from flirting back because he is married.

Not that he is married when I got to know him but he was married last June and although I was a tinsy weensy disappointed but well, still friends.

But why why why he wants to flirt with me only when he is married?!!!

I hate taken but pretends to be available men.


Christmas. Another bittersweet holiday. Don't misunderstand, I always love Christmas.Christmas has never failed to bring this glow in my heart that I always felt whenever I read fairy tales when I was young. The certain element of magic I always feel in the air and tingles down my spine and I start to see everything through rose tinted glasses and hear romantic music wherever I go. The air itself feels wonderful and December is the only month in the year where I feel heady and intoxicated and feel my life is like in a lovely dreamlike stage where I am dancing everyday.But being single always for christmas does not exactly make it as joyful as it should and can be. Its like haivng this perfect romantic setting and feeling yet not having the other lead actor to play it with.

Dark chocolate.

Thus: This Christmas I'm going to spend it working again and relish on this dance and the feeling till reality comes again.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Doggy madness

Its been two days since I bought the beagle home and I am exhausted. Miss Snuffles have energy 10 times of 10 energizer bunny and the poop...arrghh.

This is Miss Snuffles:

Summary of number of times it pooped and peed:
Sunday: pooped :1 peed:1
Monday: pooped :3 peed :5
Tuesday (up to current time) : pooped 1 peed 2

Number of times I cleaned up the mess: pooped :4 peed: 7
(Dad helped cleaned up pooped on the morning and Mum, the pee just now so I managed to take a break.)

I had envisionised going for morning jogs at the nearby park with it trottering by my side but alas it is not to be. Beagles have a mind of their own and likes to sniff and once they catch a scent that they like they will pursue it ignoring frantic screams of "come back!!! come back!!"thus not advisable to unleash it anywhere in an unconfined area. Also, by past experience of walking her.. oops I mean of her walking me...I had to literally drag her to get her to walk the route that I want.. my hand are now so rough from gripping and yanking the rope of Miss Snuffles's leash.

...But all and all, other than the pooping, peeing and barking, she's adorable. A real social butterfly in fact. Everyone is a friend, no one is to be held in contempt and too easily "dognapped" if it is actually because it just follows anyone holding its leash.

Did I mentioned that it loves flirting with cute guys as well? Utterly shameless. Hahaha...

..The past two days has past by in a whirlwind of nasty clean ups and endless obligatory walks till the extend that I have simply no time for myself! ..feeling brain dead actually, which hopefully explains the sterile, needs anal probing to induce any form of excitment writing.

Needs.... to go ..out..*desperation starts settling in at disturbingly fast pace*

*hears pitter patter of tiny feet on corridor outside*

"No... no.. noooooooooo!!!!"

Holds head in hand and starts dashing head against wall.

I will so reconsider the idea of having children in the future.

Sunday, December 12, 2004

In Short, the trip to Desaru was Fantastic

Hiya folks!!!

I'm BACK!!!!

To sum it all up, it has been a delightful week that has passed by too fast where the main activies are Tanning, Eating and Mahjong.


10am: Brrrrrr... I am so cold! Arrgghh... urrghh.. my gawd..throat urts.....arrgghh...rain... why??? ..want to tan....

2pm: Fuck.. food is awful what the fuck is this? Thought tea tarik will be fantastic in Malaysia.. even worse than that diluted drain water like tea I drank at this forgettable chinese kopitiam which by now think will be long closed down already. Oh gawd.. still drizzling and there's nothing to do.. even the water sports section is closed down due to monsoon season..What are we doing after lunch? Relax? Relax? How? Here? What can we do to relax? Just sit? Like this? And..?!?!!

Beach looks good though..cute guy on beach (surfer) informs me the drizzling weather has been thus for past 2 days... *sigh*

3pm: Alrighty..thank God Fabian bought his card mahjong.
Mahjong! Mahjong! Mahjong!

6.30pm: Took hotel transport to nearby town for dinner...why are almost all the shops closed? Fuck this is boring... I'm not used to this kind of relaxation! Relaxation is sitting at starbucks staring at cuties! Relaxation is reading a book at night! Relaxation is going shopping with plenty of blue notes in my wallet!

Relaxation is NOT walking around at snail pace with simply nothing to do!!!! AHHHH!!!

I hate it here.

7pm: I LOVE it here!!!
Omigod the food here is sooooo GOOOOOOOOOD..... ahhhhhh... the chicken meatloaf.. the chap chai..the nasi goreng ikan billis... yes yes yes !!Ahhhhhh......

9am: Breakfast buffet: passable because feeling hungry..otherwise by my usual standard, a.w.f.u.l...the sun's out!!!! Yippe!!!! where's my new orange bikini?

5.30pm: Yeah! I see the beginning of a wonderful tan.Goal: get tanned by end of trip.

7pm: Back in small town.. omigod the seafood at Jun's (this small seafood kopitiam) is simply MARVELLICIOUS. The fish is so fresh! which is duH.. because its newly "caught" from its fish tank and killed and cooked. Humaize refused to sit facing the fish tank because he will feel uncomfortable and can't eat. Delusional. Butter prawns are good but too bad not v.fresh. Can tell that they are fried in planta. Will ask mum to do that as well. Hee...
Bought lots of milk and snacks back to hotel.

9pm: Time to open one of the bottles the guys bought here. 2 red and 1 champagne. Hmm.. red first.

9.40am: Breakfast: Yuck... but what the hell.. its free. *shrugs* Alrighty! Time for tanning session again!

3pm: (in bathroom staring at naked self in preparation to bathe) is turning red.. but nevermind as long as I have my tan, no pain no gain! *furiously slathers mosturiser to prevent peeling*

8pm: Monopoly!!! Where's my Toto! Call me Dorothy! Let's build a house~~~ Let's build a dream~~~ Let's make a wish toGether~~~~

9.3oam: Fabian and Maize are still sleeping and refused to wake up for breakfast. Pigs. Nevermind, will go ALONE. Maybe can spy cute guy eating breakfast and me being ALONE eating will induced HIM to be the gallent gentleman and accompany me for breakfast. Afterwards will go walk on the beach.. go horseback riding.. and share a passionate spine tingling toe curling kiss in the view of the sunset. Ahhh...

10am: No cute guys anywhere in sight.Hmph.

10.30am: Tanning! Fabian and Maize still in bed. Pigs..

4.20pm: Fabian suggest walking to the town for dinner, receptionist says it will take around half and hour to walk there. Fine.

4.30pm: Ooohhh.. monkeys!

4.50pm: Why are we nowhere near the town??? Omigod.. the sun is so hot... my skin is burning... ahhhh....

5.20pm: What half an hour?!!?!?!! It took freaking 1 hour ok! 1 freaking hour!!! I didn't wear socks with my sports shoes.. ahhh.. feet is starting to give me problems. Adidas is not a v.good brand for tough walking.

6.30pm: sooo fulllll...yet another satisfying meal. The walk back seems sooo forboding for my feet.

7.20pm: Shit.. feet is painful. Limping my way back for the rest 10mins walk.

7.30pm: Jump into the pool right away since have my swim gear on.. ahh.. the cool water feels good on my buring skin and sore feet.

9pm: Beer beer beer!!! Ahhh... nothing like an ice cold beer at night.

12am: Tv and oh that look good what is th..Zzzzzzz...

9.45am:Breakfast: Alone again.

10.30am: Tanning!

12am: (stares at naked self at bathroom) looking red...ouch this is really sore...

12.30am: walks down beach with Measure to Measure and bottle of water in hand

2pm: Walk back to room and got stop by Din on beach, (guy who is in charge of water sports section with really really nice body). Din offered to teach me surfing but I do not know how to swim so nah.

2.30pm: Fabian and Maize are finally AWAKE. Went to tan again. Must not waste the sunlight! Althought front is red like lobster but back still needs work.

4pm: I feel cold. Needs to stop. Hmm.. back looks fairly darker already! Yippe!

6.30pm: Time to head to town for dinner again! First, to the place next to Jun's for their fantastic chicken meatloaf and egg.. something which is noth marvellicious. Then to Jun's for their amazing fish, sweet and sour and steamed. Fabian and Maize does not really cared for steamed fish and prefer the fried one so I get to eat most the the former. Yum!

8.30am: Back to hotel and straight to their seafood restaurant for crabs! Pepper and butter ones! The butter ones are disappointing.. but pepper ones are great.
I feel soooooooo fulllllllll....Burrrrrp

9pm: Beer and pool! A fantastic combi! I kick Fabian's ass in pool and won most of the time in the finger guessing game. Take that! Hah!

12am: Went down to beach coz some people are playing with fireworks! Lovely! Talk to Din.

1am: Mahjong~~~!!!

3am: Pong...chi... ahhh.. tired... sleep lah

10am: Breakfast with Maize, Fabian the pig is sleeping. Hmm.. should I go tanning one last time?

10.30am: Nah, will pack and furthermore skin is already quite delicate to touch. Will not torture skin further.

1am: Check out! Stayed at hotel lounge to eat lunch while waiting for 2pm transport to get onto 3.30pm ferry ride.

4pm: Back in Singapore!


Fuck! I've gained 2kg!!


Am going to go get my new dog, a beagle later at 3pm. Haven't thought of any names for it yet so any suggestions? Its a bitch (meaning female) by the way. One good one is by Joann who suggested naming her Britney Spears so when I holler for her I can go.. " Britney! Britney Spears!!! Where are you? Come here you Bitch!!" ..aptly without it being a real insult which I feel is a pretty funny name as well.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Too much fun is making me sick

I'm going to Desaru with my fabulous best friends Fabian and Humiaze later on in the morning.

And I'm sick which is bad because no way I want to spend my holiday nursing myself back to health in a hotel room!

Think its my own fault and not some virus that was passed to me through kissing.. and if it is there can only be one person that can be blame for that. Mr Nicely Detached. (Yes, I've seen the light and will only stick to nicknames to avoid further uneccessary trouble)

Ever since the exams are over, my life consist of a whirlpool of endless fun and activities, went clubbing on friday and sunday (at gay clubs mind you so I was v.decent except for the slutty dancing which obviously is redundant as definitely will not get me any but still indulge in slutty dancing because feeling slutty although am not.)

Sigh.. nose is stuffed with tissue to stop flow of water pouring out of nostrils.. hope I'll be fine by tomorrow .. and my luggage is not packed yet...but am feeling weak.. arrrgghh.. why why why???


I am so sick of emotionally detached men.

Mr Nicely Detached is doing a fine job of that. Why do I always have to fall in love with the men that definitely are BAD for me? Why why why???
Its not like I do not have other better choices (meaning stable) could it be that I am purposely sabotaging myself from having a wholesome relationship by falling in love with men that can't be there? Am I sick? Could this be some form of self defensive mechanism due to not wanting to be trapped into a wrong relationship thus unhappy marriage like my folks?

..shucks I don't know. I want to love and to be loved. There I admit it. The right man may be a little lost in the woods searching for me and I am also lost in these line of men that are wrong for me. But hell, I believe we'll find each other. :)))

Thoughts getting incoherent. Needs rest.. arrghhh.. need to pack... damm I'll pack tomorrow morning instead. Bye~

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Ok I admit it Taufik Batisah is simply great

Yesterday night I was watching the finals of Singapore Idol and I was blown away by Taufik Batisah's singing.. especially when he sang "Me and Mrs Jones" which is one song that I simply adore.

Me and Mrs Jones - Marvin Gaye

Me and Mrs. Jones ..
we've got a thing going on.
We both know that it's wrong,
but it's much too strong
to let it go now.

We meet everyday, at the same café
6:30 I know - I know she'll be there.
Holding hands - making all kinds of plans
while the jukebox play our favorite song.

Me and Mrs. Mrs. Jones – Mrs. Jones – Mrs. Jones – Mrs. Jones
we've got a thing going on.
We both know that it's wrong,
but it's much too strong
to let it go now.

We've gotta be extra careful
That we don't build our hopes up too high.
'Cause she's got her own obligations
and so – and so do I...

Me and Mrs. Mrs. Jones – Mrs. Jones – Mrs. Jones – Mrs. Jones
we've got a thing going on.
We both know that it's wrong,
but it's much too strong
to let it go now.

Well it's time for us to be leaving
It hurts so much - it hurts so much inside
Now she'll go her way
And I'll go mine.

Tomorrow we'll meet the same place – the same time.
Me and Mrs. Mrs. Jones – Mrs. Jones – Mrs. Jones – Mrs. Jones
we've got a thing going on.
We've gotta be extra careful.
We can't afford to build our hopes up too high.

I wanna meet,
and talk with you,
at the same place,
the same café,
the same time
And we're gonna hold hands like we used to
We're gonna talk it over, talk it over
We know, they know, and you know and I know that it was wrong
But I'll make it strong...
We've gotta let 'em know now
We've got a thing going on...
...thing going on...

I always love the version by Billy Paul best of all with no exception but wow.. Taufik's rendition of it is simply blows me away.

Plus its always very very dangerous to try to pull off a classic, but not only did he pull it off beautifully, he injected his own style and personality to the song that makes him singing it in his rendition of it instead of imitating some singer.

I have to admit that I do not like him at all in the initial stages. The impression that he struck me is that he simply is weak in his singing, no personality and very very vain. After watching him getting in to the next round and Jessea being booted out, I just stop watching the show altogether. Any friend saying that they are rooting for Taufik would receive a glare and a retort: "How the hell can you call that a TALENT?"

But last week I watched the final 3.. and boy was I impressed. I was always an Olinda supporter and even Sly supporter.. but Taufik has simply impress me too much by his tremendous improvement in his singing and style.

Someone has done his homework and work darn hard on it.

Now there is nothing nothing but praises and respect for me about Taufik.

Needless to say I was estatic that he won last night!

Congrats Taufik. You deserve it.

As for me, I'm just darn happy that our first Singapore Idol is someone we definitly are damm proud about.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Chick flicks: The best way of comfort and delusion.

Bridget Jones' Diary. The Ultimate chick flick. How can it be anything else? Pudgy average 30ish woman courted by dashing smouldering Colin Firth while having highly exciting liasion with sexy sexy Hugh Grant. Colin LOVES her and willing to marry her even though she's ditzy, have lack of general knowledge except for trivialities and walk with a waddle.


I am a ditz too, I have nothing much store up in this brain of mine except trivialities as well.I do not have much general knowledge and I can try to walk with a waddle.

Any human rights lawyer or someone who thinks himself like Colin Firth interested in falling in love and be caught in a whirlwind romance with a nice girl like me?

Throughout the whole movie I was oohing and ahhing at all the appropriate moments and gripping Aliah's arm whenever a scene was played that will make me go awwwww.

Aliah was busy slapping my hand away.

But nevertheless, although I was a disruptive force preventing her from enjoying the movie 120%, we both walked out of the theatre with starry eyes............ awwwwww...

*sulk* I want my Colin Firth too.


We went to Borders at Wheelock place before the movie to read and while browsing through the Psychology section, I discovered that there was so many books on understanding men but extrememly little on understanding women.

Of course the titles are just meant to grab attention and not really blamming men. BUT really, are we sometimes too obsessive over understanding men?

I think the ratio of books understanding men versus women explains that.


Ok I'm rewinding back here now. EVEN BEFORE we go to Borders, of course there is the must have lunch at this kebab place at Cineleisure that Aliah introduced me.

That's Ali

That's me

And that's the food gobbled up halfway through.

Was supposed to meet up with Helaine the Ah lian after meeting the movie with Aliah but she was having FUN of her own... sister is going to play lan gaming (again) so met her and Emil and Gillion (her friends) for dinner at this coffee shop near somerset behind the power house. The food was apparently highly recommended by them but didn't try as too depressed at being bloody single.. the after effects of watching Briget Jones' Diary.

Sigh sigh sigh.

Next, went for a drink with Miki and her boyfriend Kelvin. Went to this place call Ice Cold Beer behind Alley Bar at Somerset. Pretty nice place.. beer are cheap. Conversation is good as we haven't seen each other for half a year.



..and guess who?

Its Jack Jack!

and this is piggy (slightly weird looking one though)

they met..

Jack Jack got her/him/it (gender unknown) on her/his/its back..

and shag.

Jack Jack vibrates as well when you turn the knob behind him.

Vibrating Jack Jack is available at McDonalds right now.

... Shucks I'm bored to death. Anyone wants to date me out? Please? Pretty please? Pretty pretty please?