idiotic fallacies

"My heart is a brothel, it has many rooms." - said by a philandering character in Gabriel Garcia Marquez's books... when one simply likes too much things, this is the

Saturday, March 27, 2004

Excerpt from Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coelho

"...Passion makes a person stop eating, sleeping, working, feeling at peace. A lot of people are frightened because when it happens, it demolishes all the old things it finds in its path.

No one wants their lives thrown into chaos. That is why a lot of people keep that threat under control; and are somehow capable of substaining a house or a structure that is already rotten. They are the engineers of the superseded.

Other people think exactly the opposite: they surrender themselves without a second thought, hoping to find in passion the solutions to all their problems. They made the other person responsible for all their happiness and blame them for their possible unhappiness. They are either euphoric because something marvellous has happened or depressed because something unexpected has just ruined everything.

Keeping passion at bay or surrendering blindly to it - which of these two attitudes is the least destructive?

I don't know."

Monday, March 22, 2004

The Demon Lover

Author Unknown
"Oh, where have you been, my long, long love,
this seven years and more?"
"Oh, I've come to seek my former vows
Ye granted me before."

"Oh, do not speak of your former vows,
For they will breed sad strife;
Oh, do not speak of your former vows,
For I have become a wife."

He turned him right and round about,,
And the tear blinded his ee:
"I would never have trodden on this ground
If it had not been for thee."

"If I was to leave my husband dear,
And my two babes also,
Oh, what have you to take me to,
If with you I should go?"

"I have seven ships upon the sea---
The eighth brought me to land---
With four-and-twenty bold mariners,
And music on every hand."

She has taken up her two little babes,
Kissed them on cheek and chin:
"Oh, fare ye well, my own two babes,
For I'll never see you again."

She set her foot upon the ship---
No mariners could she behold;
But the sails were of the teffeta,
And the masts of the beaten gold.

She had not sailed a league, a league,
A league but barely three,
When dismal grew his countenance,
And drumlie grew his ee.

They had not sailed a league, a league,
A league but barely three,
Until she espied his cloven foot,
And she wept right bitterly.

"Oh, hold your tongue of your weeping," said he,
"Of your weeping now let me be;
I will show you how the lilies grow
On the banks of Italy."

"Oh, what hills are yon, yon pleasant hills,
That the sun shines sweetly on?"
"Oh, yon are the hills of heaven," he said,,
"Where you will never win."

"Oh, whaten a mountain is yon," she said,
"So dreary with frost and snow?"
"Oh, yon is the mountain of hell," he cried,
"Where you and I will go."

He struck the top-mast with his hand,
The fore-mast with his knee;
And he broke that gallant ship in twain,
And sank her in the sea.

Saturday, March 20, 2004

My First Love

Watched the Thailand movie "My Girl' just now..well it does provoke some nostalgic memories of one's childhood I guess.However,as cliche as it sound,I would still prefer that the ending spells a happy-ever-after for the couple instead of the guy remimiscing and thinking he'll he'll always remember her as the sweet little girl with the pigtails and apple cheeks..awww..

...makes me think of my first love.

My first love sad to say ain't that romantic.I had a teeny tiny crush on this classmate of mine in kindergarden and one fine day decide to be proactive sucking up to his mother. Yes. My Prospective Mother-In-Law. Remember when you are young and near dismissal time all your mothers would crowd around the metal grilled windows to stare proudly at their offsprings?(yes,they had air con now..the lucky new generation brats).Well.What I did was I went up to his mother and introduce myself, afterwhich told her about all the good deeds his perfect son did, stuff like.."Auntie,XXX today helped the teachers gave out the crayons and books and helped her collect them back and helped the auntie clear our cups and plates after break and help her wash them and..and...and.." short, he became the most perfect, helpful, kind,boy that have ever stepped on this sinful earth.

In the whole story,he didn't do any of all those things at all.I was only,as i repeat again,sucking up to his mother so that she would like ME.I was quite convinced she did,as she keep smiling at me through the metal grills as I kept on praising.

Ahh....actually thinking back,I'm quite impressed by myself.

What happened after that? After dismissal,hand in hand with my mother, I scan through the crowd,looking for her and..the love of my life. I spotted her,my heartbeat got faster, as I change my focus to the owner of the little hand that was clasped in was another classmate of mine.
Oh fuck..I've wasted all my energies sucking up to the wrong mother!No wonder she was smiling so strangely!

If you ask me if I still remember what the little boy looks like,or even his name,I don't, but I'll always remember this incident and tuck it into my memory of nostalgic childhood incidents. :)

Friday, March 19, 2004

On the Subject Of Hair

I am one woman with one great failing.I will just crumple and breakdown if my hair doesn't look good. Pimples,fine,but if facing a bad hair day,boy,you sure do not want to get close to me that day!

Recently,I was bemoaning to my friend that I lament the loss of freedom to style my hair when reminiscing the past when i used to have short short hair and can jolly well style it in any goddamn way i please. Stylish,sassy,cool. This was not meant to be anymore as I've move on to artificial straight hair - rebonded hair which only spells one thing to me. Totally lack of character. Why then you may ask did I not just chop my hair off and went off merrily with my new short sassy hair? Its simply because I can't bear to.

Only once did i ever have long 'flowy' locks which was when I'm about 9years old. I remember sitting in the hair salon and the auntie asking me,"Girl ah,you sure you want to cut your hair ah? so long and nice,very saiyang (pity) leh!With a nonchalant look I just gave a shrug which just means "go ahead,i don't care look" on my face. The auntie gave another sad pitiful look at my hair (that time I do have hair that look like those out of a hair commercial) and bravely took the first snip. Ever since then,I've never looked back. I've experimented with as much short hairstyles as i possibly can.You name it,I've tried it...except crew cut and mohawk.

One fine day, I've decided that hey,I sick and tired of the shortness,soon I was envying those girls with smooth long hair,be it straight or in curls.It was sensual,it spells woman.Beside a good friend of mine who had such heavenly venus-like locks,I felt..butch.unfeminine. That's when I decided to grow out my hair and regain my flagging sex appeal. (never underestimate the power of self motivation...or delusion)

Well,it took me 3 long years and 6 rebonds for my hair to grow to the current length,which touches just below my bra strap. Needless to say,I was delighted. I feel feminine,no longer do i feel butch anymore,but as the wise always says nothing is perfect.I've lost the sassy attitude that always goes well with short hair.With long hair,its all about the "gentle approach",now,I was envying another friend of mine who have short sassy hair which she would use wax to style everyday into this cool "wind blown" look.She look cool, stylish...arrgh..the epitome of modern woman. Beside her,I feel boring, trendless, uninteresting, characterless...

Human beings are never satisfied with what they have isn't it? We always yearn for something more,something that others have and we don't. Things that we feel that can bring a change to ourselves and when we finally got it and do change,we give all the credit to the material thing that we've gained not knowing that it was in us all along to do it. Envy can be constructive as long as you make it a motivation than something that breeds hate,obsessive incontentment and unhappiness.

What's the story for me and the "hairy issue" then? I've decided to ignore that urge to cut my hair,and as a compensation, I've decided to curl my hair by June.It'll be a new look again.