Are we? Are we not?

My friend have this problem.

She has been seeing this guy for a few months already and have already did whatever couples would do.

First base, second base,home run.

Been there done that.

But when I ask her are you two together as a couple, she doesn't know. He never asked her she said. Plus, she'll be free to date other guys still.

"Let nature take its course? If we like each other enough in the long run, we'll commit then."

Well, you would think that with sex already happening betwen them, they must be a couple as well right? COz at my parents' generation, if they are holding hands they already are a couple.

It's the same issue as one of my guyfriends. When I asked him where was his girlfriend, his reply was,

"What girlfriend?"

"That girl that was hanging your arm for months..? isn't she your girlfriend?"

*hem and haw* "No lah Sam, that was just a friend.."

"Oh."

"Why?"

"I don't know, well, she doesn't seem to mind plus I do not want to get into a commitment yet... blah blah blah.. (etcetera) "

Let me first make my stand here. I neither approve nor disapprove of this kind of relationship, well as long both parties are fully aware of the situation and not one party leading another on.

BUt you have to wonder, since when has relationships be treated as thus?
Could it be that in our current lives we are so pampered and so highly entertained that we couldn't stand the idea of commiting to something or someone without the assurance of its value to us in certainly?

Last time people have plenty of time for romance and get to know you sessions. Look at all those indian movies where the leads have time chasing each other from mountains to valleys to fields of flowers and get a group of people to dance in sync with them just to sing a love song with each other.

Boy, with the rehearsals, they must have a lot of time to spare.

How about the chinese in pre-modern Singapore then?

After a long day's of work as a coolie,the lads and ladies have nothing better to do than go to the night bazzar or to supper, to sing and dance a little and to throw shy blushing glances at each other.

"Ah niu ge..."
"Ah hua mei.."
*blush*

Then they will get through the long process of .. using the lyrics of a song in the movie "The king and I"..

"Getting to know you, getting to know about you.."
"Getting to like you , getting to hope you like me..."

Look at the examples through the old chinese movies like the chiong yao drama serials. The lovers at the most only gave each other a chaste kiss that's all!

Now, what happened to all that?

Today, with everyone's bz bz lifestyle, no one has the time nor patience to get to know the other party slowly as a person anymore. Instead of getting to know you, they would rather concentrate on judging as fast as possible whether the party fits them in all aspects instead... based on the person's lifestyle and what they have and their status on a large part and what kind of person they are on a more minor extent.

Perhaps I shouldn't use the word they, coz personally I am guilty of that as well as demostrated in my previous article, but I have to say, I think character is v.important as well!!!

A few arguements I've heard supporting the point above:

" Aiya Sam, character can slowly try to change over time what, status and possessions are harder to get leh!"
" Even if I get a guy with the best character in the world and he have nothing at all, well, things will definitely not work out as well, so might as well be more practical and chose the guy that have it and for character wise, let's see how we can work it out then. It's easier that way."

Life nowadays is too fast to take anything in slow leisure anymore, this kind of courtship where you take the cake and eat it but is still free to refund have its pros and cons. It's up to one whether they can take this kind of dating style.

To end things let me show off my newest casual "trying to act cool while looking totally grubby" photo.


ciao.