idiotic fallacies

"My heart is a brothel, it has many rooms." - said by a philandering character in Gabriel Garcia Marquez's books... when one simply likes too much things, this is the

Thursday, July 01, 2004

Dickirella - A Fairy Tale Part 1

Once upon a time there is a boy named Dick.. no particular reson why his name is called Dick but as legend goes it's because the moment he shot out of his Mum after living inside her for the first 9 months of his life, his Dad is so overcome with emotions that he finally had a son that he can only point his finger in delight at the little willy attached and utter "..Dick!"

Thus the name stucked.

Back to the story.

Dick grew up a most happy boy, one of the most happiest and good mannered boy one has ever seen. A most interesting boy with a great blend of being a snag and yet being v.manly as well.(those of you who do not know what snag is, that means sensitive new age guy).

But as all seemingly perfect creatures goes, there's always a catch. Dick has a secret flaw that he can never NEVER tell anyone because it will ruin his life forever.. or rather get teased about it by his mates and get looks of sympathy from girls.

Dick has a really small dick.

Really small.


Ironial right?

And that his name reminds him of it 24/7.. or everytime he have a pee.

In fact no one has ever seen him pee....* X files music *

Back to Dicky being tiny.

Tiny Dicky.

Dicky Tiny.


Right. Back to the story.

He is so tiny that his dick has not increase in size ever since he is born.

Why then you may ask. WHy?!?!?!

Well that is because before he is born, one day his mother is looking out of the window of her backyard and saw that the neighnour next door have grow a whole crop of yams in her garden and suddenly feels peckish and have a really huge craving for yams.

She calls to her husband."Qiang ge .."

*names have been changed to protect the people's true identity*

"Qiang ge.. Where are you my love? I need to eat yams.. NOw!!!"

Guoqiang the henpeck husband at that moment was in his room wanking and watching porn.(well when your wife's pregnant, what's a guy to do?!?!?) He was almost achieving orgasm and having the most erotic dirty thoughts featuring him and xiao tao zi when his wife Brandon disturb him.(yes i know Brandon is a guy's name, but Brandon's Dad always wanted a son so when she came out with no dick..hell since the name has been chosen anyway so what the heck... but for feminine reasons Brandon is known to her friends as Brandi instead,)

"Why do you want to eat yams?"

"The woman next door have a crop of yams..have a craving for it."

"But I don't want to go!"

"I want to eat yams!"

"I have work to do! (yea..right)"

"Honey..didn't you say you love me forever and will do anything for me?

"Yes..I did say that"

"If you buy it for me i promise to give you a nice blowjob when you come back."

Guoqiang the henpeck and deprived excited by the prospect of getting some TLC finally disappear in a flash and rushed off to the nearest NTUC to buy the wonderful yams, but there is no yams available. He went to cold storage, liberty, carrefeur.. eveywhere but there's not even one yam to be found. Finally he asked one of the staff working there,"Why is there no yams available?"

The girl was wearing a bohemian top with braids all around her...v. hippiesh to be more exact. "Ohhh..I'm sooo sorry mate,"(the staff went to study in austraila for a year, dropped out because she smoked too much pot and ever since then developed a weird accent when she came back.)

"..There has been a shipping accident, just so happens that was the ship that was carrying all the yams that was bound for Singapore, it was the maiden voyage for that ship.. the most beautiful ship she is that Titanic.. tis a pity that it hit a lighthouse and sunk.. the lighthouse wasn't lighted up coz the fella guarding it was drunk..hit and sinked man."

Guoqiang the desperately deprived for Brandi's TLC unfortunately did never liked history so do not know that the story is a figment of imagination from the cracked up staff Aliah.

"Groovey" (shows peace sign.)

On his way home,Guoqiang is in turmoil... is he gonna just give up his candy licking good time from his wife just like that?


In times like this, a man should show what's he made of..pumping his fist in the air with a faraway look in his eyes he shouted, full of emotion, bravery and courage.."I will not fail you!"

He is of course referring to the thing between his legs by the way.

The people around at shenton way gwaped at him and went on about, walking a round about away from him as a form of respect for his new found determination and in awe of his manliness.. or he thinks so.

The he hit on a idea.. he should just buy one from the neighbour next door! Merrily he skipped..cancel that thought..Manly, he stride to the doorstep and knocked on the door.

Knock knock knock.

The door swung open to reveal a scantily claded woman leaning sensually at the door frame. Ruby red lips, slim tanned body, bright sparkly eyes wearing a black teddy..." Hi, I'm Keong, your next door neighbour, I was wondering when you'll come over to have an affair with me ever since your wife got pregnant."

.....with a distinctively male voice.

All thoughts of erotica popped instantly like soap bubbles the moment he heared his voice.

"Errr.. actually I was wondering whether you can sell me some of your yams.."

"Yams? OH i have yams alright baby..see."

The black teddy was opened up in front to reveal an ENORMOUS sight.

Blushing furiously.. Guoqiang couldn't tear his eyes away .. A hungry man is an angry..and desperate man. With senses overcrowding his mind, he allows himself to be led into the house by him...

You know that saying where when you are hungry, anything's delicious but when you are full, god forbid that ugly old toothless 85 year old hag come close to you again. When Guoqiang woken up 3 hours later, he was horrified of what he had done.. Damm! A guy!.. well three quarters guy anyway and boy is she..he ..shim. hot.. but..ahhhh.!!! Being a really straight guy, Guoqiang just can't get over the fact that it does not really matter when he's a guy or girl.. it was great so shouldn't that be enough?!!?!

He tiptoed away out of bed, away from the snoring Keong, sneaked into the garden, taking a yam.. actually wait.. taking 5 yams*(well, after all he has gone through)..sneaked out of the backdoor and ran on home.

..After which, Brandi got to eat her yams, Guoqiang got his blowjob..not like he needed it anymore and a few months later Dick was born.

SO what's your point you may ask. Hold on.. I'm getting to it.

Transversite Keong actually really likes Guoqiang. Ever since he first lay eyes on his skinny frame, he has decide that he was the one for him. SO imagine his delight that they did the deed.. but imagine his wrath when Guoqiang refuses to have sex with him ever again. He then decided to strike where it hurts the most. Transversite Keong then travels to Thailand again and visted one the the most famous voodoo master ever and request that when Guoqiang's son is born, he will be cursed to be forever small and until one day when he can......

I need to think for a moment how to break the curse.

Feel free to leave suggestions though.

.....To be continued.

p.s check out the link i'm posted with this article. hehe..


Blogger butterflylady said...

u never fail to scandelise...
tis post shows your talent at crapping, had a gd laugh
methinks GQ not bad sia get all d gd stuff.
wonder bout dicky's fate. since d original cinderella is fittin d rite shoe, how bout dicky fittin d rite woman. then he'll b turn into a real man. kinda like beauty n d beast :o)

3:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good for a laugh...

10:50 PM  

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