idiotic fallacies

"My heart is a brothel, it has many rooms." - said by a philandering character in Gabriel Garcia Marquez's books... when one simply likes too much things, this is the

Saturday, June 12, 2004

taking a break off from sentimantal reasons...

WEll..I have decided. It's time to face up to the truth and realise that some things are just not meant to be. As painful as it is going to be, I think its time to let go of a person that just ain't worth my time.

Retribution or just plainly de ja vu, what goes around comes around? I know why it has turned out this way is the same as what I have tell myself about the countless of guys before him. The feelings, it was wasn't enough. Not enough. This time, however, the tables are turned and this time its me sobbing my shredded heart out and thinking why. Well, you just can't force feelings out of another right? When a person says that he likes you, he does, but do nothing about about it, don't think too much into complexing issues of "why" and "mind games?". Yea, he likes you, but as simply put, the feeling he has for you just is not enough for him to go on to a deeper level of relationship with you.

In the beginning, it was wonderful, I thinked about him 24/7, looked forward to every call, cherished every sms, walked around with a smile on my lips and a glow on my face. Afterwhich, when he turned more distant, the heartache began. The crying till late into the night, depression, the heart wrenching feeling, the insufferable feeling of not being able to breathe properly ... and the sudden awareness of how many lovey dovey smoochy disgusting couples there are around you where ever you go.

Its was one of the lowest points in my life. Before him, I do not really think i lack anything in my life, but after he he gone.. there is the irritating feeling of hollowness and emptiness that can't be filled.

Fuck it.

Fuck it I say. He's gone and if I had meant anything much to him, he wouldn't be. So its time that I wake up from this delusion tht he may come back and tell me he needs me a lot.

And on a positive note, look at all the other charming swinging bachelors that I have close myself to these couple of months!

Its time to make myself happy.

I have to admit, I do not think I will forget him that easily in the near future, he will remain there, tuck into that folder under bittersweet memory.


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